Boss Trump Makes America Great Again!


Love him or hate him, Donald Trump is a multi-faceted individual. He’s the President of the United States. He’s an international businessman. He’s a father… well, to some of his kids. And he’s the smartest man on earth, or so he tells us. He’s a Republican, but he was also a Democrat. But the most important role that Donald J. Trump has ever played is of course… America’s most powerful Union Boss!

Union boss? Well, yeah. Haven’t you heard him promise new jobs in the coal industry? He’ll make America a major manufacturer again? Or that we need to protect our Steel industry from foreign competition? What about the Trump Tariff? When was the last time that you heard anyone outside of a Union utter all of these pro-union positions? It’s like listening to the reincarnation of Jimmy Hoffa!

Think about it. Trump is not the kind of leader who cares if his followers belong to his “union” or not. Or even if they voted against him. Or that they don’t belong to a union. No, Donald knows what good for all of us and if he has to bust a few heads to fix America’s labor problems, he’s ready! Consider the following… 

Jobs and More Jobs: Trump has not only promised the American people more jobs, but he also promised that these will be “God Jobs”.  That means good, well-paying jobs, with benefits. Trump repeatedly tweeted that American firms cannot just downsize or outsource without going through some sort of process… a  government-approved process, with worker participation!

Regulation: Trump is crystal clear that we must get rid of regulations that constrain businesses. Except for the new regulations that he wants in place. Like the rest of the (new?) Republican party, he believes that business should listen to the Government, and follow their instructions… like good little Capitalists. (EXCEPT, Capitalists are not supposed to tell businesses that… sigh! Nevermind. Back to the story.)

Examples? Over and over Trump has said that when American businesses outsource to China they just don’t understand what they are doing. China steals American intellectual property! Business leaders do not understand that the contracts they signed with China ill expose their patents. How about that! The thousands of American firms operating in China … many of which are global behemoths with hundreds of lawyers… just don’t understand how to read a contract like Boss rump!

Luckily, Boss Trump can provide government officials who can tell these businesses which contracts they can and cannot sign, and which countries they can or cannot work with. Imagine those silly company executives thinking that Capitalism is all about profitability, financial models, and return on investment! The government is much better at looking after your best interests! Let your government make the decisions, and everything will be A-OK! After all, isn’t that what Conservatives have been saying since Ronald Reagan? 

Tariffs: Protectionist tariffs have always a favorite of Union Bosses. While conservatives from Ronald Reagan to George W. Bush have been against tariffs and for open trade and globalization, union bosses have always wanted to protect union jobs from foreign competition. 

Now, other union bosses are heaping praise on Boss Trump for joining the flock! Look at this headline, “UAW President Dennis Williams praises Trump’s tariff approach”.  Or this tweet from Richard Trumka, president of the AFL-CIO, “The admin’s steel & aluminum tariffs are good steps towards fixing predatory practices that hurt workers & cheat companies that produce in US.” High praise indeed! 

Free Enterprise: Perhaps the best measure of a union boss is his disdain of free enterprise. Workers first, profits second! Well, General Motors recently announced that they were going to lay off workers from car lines that they were going to close down, due to lack of sales. In the very best of Union Bsss traditions, GM was told in no uncertain terms that there will be NO layoffs of American workers… before the next election.

Trump even tweeted to GM,  “Very disappointed with General Motors and their CEO, Mary Barra, for closing plants in Ohio, Michigan, and Maryland…  The U.S. saved General Motors, and this is the THANKS we get! We are now looking at cutting all @GM subsidies”. Is this the 21st century equivalent of, “Nice factory youse gots here. Shame if anything was to go and happen to it.” Good for you Boss Trump for keeping it fresh!  

Back to Reality: Of course Donald Trump, President of the United States is not really a Union Boss. After all, if he was a real union boss… say, like Jimmy Hoffa… his closest associates would have criminal records and would spend years just one step ahead of an FBI criminal investigation. But that’s just fantasy!

I mean, compare that with our President who doesn’t know anyone who has been indicted. Except for Flynn, and Manaforte, and Cohen, and gates and… hmmm. It is a pretty long list. Well, what really matters is that none of them have been found guilty, or imprisoned or… Oh? All of them?  Well, maybe Trump really is the greatest Union Boss of all time! He did say that he would Make American Government Grate again. And I can’t remember a time when Washington was as grating as it is today!

Have a Great New Year America… and see you next year! 

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